Ride · the · short · bus · to · Justinpalooza · ©

Eveyone is moving on in this world. Starting on new paths and growing up. I want that. I try to achieve that but it never seems to work out for me. I want to be an adult and I try and struggle and end up fucked up in the head even more from the let downs. Everyones making something of themselves and i'm well.....just...here.... I don't want to be here anymore.

So I was thinking a lot about my life. I wonder what is it I will be. What kind of role will I play in life. What will I pass onto my children
and their childrens children. I've been wondering what will my end be? Will it be in vain? Then I realized. No matter how our life ends, it will help someone. We never truely die in vain. No matter what kind of
end we have. Whether good or bad, that end will be a part of destiny. It's set in motion. We can choose the path of hope or the path
of nothingness. We choose it. It's so simple. We CHOOSE our destiny it is not set for us. Certain things we cannot choose.
Like give the loss of my brother, I couldn't control his loss. I could however choose what I took from it. I could have simply
threw my hands up and just gave up on life and walked away from everyone I loved and avoided everyone I could love, but I didn't.
I chose to trust life and accept loss. I chose to love with all my heart and appreciate everyone no matter if they were good or bad
for me. By appreciating them I walk away with more knowledge and a better chance at living my life for good and not allowing
my life or my death to be in vain. Don't fear life or death. Fear how you can become the opposite of what you wish to be, because that's
the only thing that truly matters in life. It took me a while to finally realize this, but I'd rather learn late than never.

I'm like so unhappy wiht myself. I hate being depressed. It sucks. So, I am done with my junky friends, shit I can't even call tem friends. I don't think they truly ever were. I think I'm going to keep people at a distance now. I'm looking out for me. It really gets me down further than a hooker sucking cock for a dollar. I invest so much into people, I bare my soul, I TRUST them. and it ges me fucked over. Rachel only wants me around when she has no one else to hang wiht because she say's she can't stand me or she needs info on her exgirlfriend. She thinks i'm egotistical. You know what yeah so what if I worry about my appearance before I go out. I'm sorry i'm not like her to where I don't like being seen looking like I just rolled out of bed. Gina is busy with her life. I love her but when I try to hang with her she'd rather sit and play an online game at home than spend time with me. Sarah has this boyfriend now and doesn't have time for me. We plan to get together but then he won't want to drive since she can't now. So they want me to always drive everywhere. Like if we go get a drink. I'm sorry I don't want to drive all over with liquor in me. I hang with Lena and Rexy but i'm still getting to know them. They're amazing but I guess i'm just waiting for me to fuck up something else. Cheri moved away and only called me when she was piss drunk. Wanting me to drive to Tampa all the time. However, when I said come see me she said it was too far of a drive. So it's only ok for me to come see you? PSHH uh no. I'm done being there for people. I'm done with people using me. I am sick of NOT BEING GOOD ENOUGH FOR ANYONE. It's pissing me off that fucked up people ruin my perception of everyone. I really hate the human race at times.

Not much going on.. Work.. Got the flu staying home. Stopped going out so much and stopped wasting money.. I don't drink much.. I think I got tired of just the whole going out clubbing get drunk do it the next day routine.. I'm getting older and growing up.. I am thinking of investing few hundred bucks into stock and try to do something to make extra money.. My friend and I also have an idea of a sorta "small business" thing.. We'll see. I've been thinking alot about my life.. Where will I be in 10 years.. How much I have grown.. My temper has simmered down a great deal.. Things that used to make me mad I just pass off ass shit.. Like the other day a guy did the *COUGH* QUEER *COUGH* thing.. Normally I would have gotten up said smart ass remarks and possibly gotten into a fight.. But I didn't I just ignored it.. If I got up and did that and shown anger towards it I would have been just a pathetic as him.. I didn't sit there and take it.. I sat there and watched him be closed minded and arrogant and I felt 155646843956949 times better than him.. When people talk shit about me. I don't even stoop to explain the truth and say how I cannot believe they said that. I usually expect most people to be like that because well everyone is to and extent. When it comes to work there are some "FAKE" people there that I hung out with. However, I have come to realize that you must distance yourself from those you work with, Once you tamper with the coworker to friend thing it brings up chances for immature behavior in the work place and it makes you more emotional about drama.. So therefor they say crap I say ok. People around me have alot of problems going on. I try to comfort them but also stay back a distance. People tend to want other people to feel what they feel when they're down. So they can have someone that can relate o them and also it stirs up things from the past that just hurt you. You can help people but you have to do it at a distance. I'm not cold to anyoe I care and I help but I do not get involved with it and I do not focus on it. I think I have grown a lot. I am still single and content with it. I do like mos single people get in the mood for physical contact but then I say screw it and jerk off. I am not ready to give myself to anyone. I am not ready to accept anyone right now. Since being single i've realized how much I can do alone, and I realized when I am done with this journey thing that when I look for someone, I will look for other things besides looks and charm. A person can have looks and charm but still be a egotistical manic that will kick you out of the bed once they get into your pants. I've already noticed that I look for more now. I could have had the person to keep around for physical contact and possibly turn innto something more, but I turned it down. I felt so proud of myself that I had the willpower to not give into the temptation. I wanted to but I thought rationaly. I'm on a roll boyeeee..

I stopped living in the past. I accept the good and the bad that has happened to me in life. I have not forgotten it because then what good would it have been? I would lear nothing from it all. So I keep it inside and when I make a choice about many things I think of what I could have done better the last time I made this choice and am I reay for this? Ok enough with this random update. I'm off to bed. I'll try to post soon

I am sitting here knowing I have many things.. I am sitting here wondering what else is to come in my life, where will I go? what will I be?? Will I be happy? Part of me feells that I will never truely be happy.. I am tired of crying.. I had a pig out sad movie watching crying day today.. and all the food I ate, all the salt I poured out didn't fill the emptiness.. I feel like before I was cute I suppose.. I walked into a room and people noticed me.. they saw me and they thought I was beautiful.. Now I am finally being myself.. with a different look (no the mohawk was just for pictures I have long hair.. sorta a emo combover I suppose) no one notices me.. when I enter the room I am but a faint whisper.. I am invisible.. No one notices me. no one thinks I am cute.. No one wants to talk to me.. No one wants me.. I feel like now that I am being myself no one wants me.. they want that fake preppy guy.. and that's not me.. it's like relationships I had.. they wanted who they could make me into.. Not for who was.. I guess I was right when I said No one would want me.. In a way I was never really wanted.. they wanted me in the costume but the man behind that mask and tons of Gel and named brand clothes.. they didn't want him.. I am feeling this pan deep inside me.. it makes me weak.. it makes me cry. I am just going to go to sleep for the night......

So yeah I changed my layout o here.. Was time.. Likey? eh iunno... Been going out having fun.. Saving up to go to california. I have a little over 5,000.00 saved up for the move.. bah I need abit more.. Just getting an apartment out there so I wont need toooooooooo much... I got a sidekick and love it.. I keep spending hella money.. I would have 11,000.00 but I took a trip to cali for a week and a half.. SHopped and shopped and keep shopping and paying some bills... So now I must stop shopping for a while then I can have enough.. work umm me work? ahahahahahaha I don't need to work.. HEH.. but I want to actually.. Damn that's odd.. Umm still alone.. which is cool.. I got a tarot reading done the other night.. I don't know if I believe in that but wow she kept telling me things that I was thinking about.. She brought up the move.. and about a death of my old self..How I have evolved and started showing friends who I really was.. which is sooo true... She said that I still need to start showing love interest myself and not whjat I think they want to see which is WHAT i DO!! WTF.. She told me tha with this move I will realize alot and my life will finally reach that happy place i've been begging to finally recieve.. WTF That is one of my deepest wishes.. She also said that I will finally just meet people being myself and I not to look for love.. Don't go upto someone expecting it to be more.. She said that If I approach people and just be friends then I will find that person.. and that the move is what I have to do in order to get things right.. I mean damn she was amazing....

We?re just the boys and girls that think they always know
With answers for the world
The ambiguity shows
We?re just the boys and girls that dance with all their clothes
Hiding under the sheets
Believing nobody knows

Your Existing Situation
Working to improve his image in the eyes of others so as to obtain their compliance and agreement with his needs and wishes

Your Stress Sources
Feels that life has far more to offer and that there are still important things to be achieved--that life must be experienced to the fullest. As a result, he pursues his objectives with a fierce intensity that will not let go of things. Becomes deeply involved and runs the risk of being unable to view things with sufficient objectivity, or calmly enough; is therefore in danger of becoming agitated and of exhausting his nervous energy. Cannot leave things alone and feels he can only be at peace when he has finally reached his goal.

Your Restrained Characteristics
Trying to calm down and unwind after a period of over-agitation which has left him listless and devoid of energy. In need of peace and quiet; becomes irritable if this is denied him.
Very exacting in the standards he applies to his choice of a partner and seeking a rather unrealistic perfection in his sex life.

Your Desired Objective
Suffering from the effects of those things which are being rejected as disagreeable, and is strongly resisting them. Just wants to be left in peace.

Your Actual Problem
The fear that he might be prevented from achieving the things he wants drives him to the exploitation of all types of experience, so that he may categorically deny that any of them has any value. This destructive denigration becomes his method of concealing hopelessness and a profound sense of futility.

heh

learn Chinese in 5 minutes!!!! sk

Ok read the english meaning and then "OUTLOUD" say the chinese words...

(You MUST read them out loud or it doesnt make as much sense)...

1) Thats not right....................................... Sum Ting Wong

2) Are you harboring a fugitive................... Hu Yu Hai Ding

3) See me ASAP.......................................... Kum Hia Nao

4) Stupid Man............................................. Dum Fuk

5) Small horse............................................ Tai Ni Po Ni

6) Did you go to the beach?....................... Wai Yu So Tan

7) I bumped in to a coffee table................. Ai Bang Mai Fa Kin Ni

8) I think you need a face lift...................... Chin Tu Fat

9) It's very dark in here.............................. Wao So Dim

10) I thought you were on a diet............... Wai Yu Mun Ching

11) This is a tow away zone....................... No Pah King

12) staying out of sight.............................. Lei Ying Lo

13) He's cleaning his automobile................ Wa Shing Ka

14) Your body odor is offensive.................. Yu Stin Ki Pu

15)Great..................................................... Fa Kin Su Pah

So yeah my friend posted a boyfriend app on myspace I filled it out and sent it to her.... here's a copy niggas!

BASICS:I'm hot.. My wang is amazing.. and I do anal!
Name:Justin
Age:22
Location:The burg but I will move to Orlando for you biatch!
Height:5"10
Hair (color and style):Dark with yellow sorta like an emo combover
Eyes:Dark and mysterious...
Piercings/tattoos:Eyebrow, tongue and tattoo on my left arm.. but I am going to pout you name on my ass

OTHER:
1. Where would we go on dates? dates? screw that let's just start fucking like horny little fuzzy rabbits.. now get on all four cause imma tear it up!
2. Who are three (or more) of your favorite bands/artists? I can make a mess like nobody's business, From first to last, Something Corporate
3. Do you drink/smoke?? Hell yeah I do both!
4. Do you like the rain? Love it.. Imma fuck you in the rain!
5. If so...would you play in it with me? Play? maybe after I cum on you in the rain
6. Do you like movies? Yeah but I love our porn vid more!
7. If so would you stay up and watch them with me all night? hell yeahs and we can make more movies of our own.. this time gang bang!
8. Could we cuddle and just fall asleep together? I'll hold onto your tits as we sleep if you hold onto my wang
9. Would you kiss my forehead? yeah after I eat you out..
10. Do you play an instrument? Besides your vagina and my dick nah
11. If so...what?
12. Would you call me right after we saw eachother to make sure i made it home alright? Nah yu'd call me.. I'm a rockstar I don't call people they call me
13. How would you rate your hugs from 1-10? mine are 100000000000000000000000000000000008868688644399096040.54
14. Favorite body part on a girl? VAG!!!
15. What would you say is the best thing about yourself? My dick, my sex, my face, my attitude, and my sense of humour
16. Do you have any reps (ie: heartbreaker, slut)? Nah
17. Would you give me kisses just because? Yes and I will eat you out just because even if you were driving! Road Head!

What Would You do if...
I cried: fuck you in the ass
I said I liked you: make you S my D
I kissed you: Make you toss my salad
I was hospitalized: I'd fuck you and the nurse..
I ran away from home: I'd do you under the bridge you lived under?
We got in a fight: make up sex
I got dumped: sit on your face and take a dump
I pissed you off: I'd piss in your mouth and cum on your boobs

What Do You Think Of My...
Personality: It's AMAZING I love you suga boo
Eyes: Bonita!
Face: Arousing
Hair: Better when I cum in it
Clothes: better off you
Voice: Makes my dick leak soooo much pre cum
Humor: Makes my asshole quiver
Choice of music: Is awesome!
Manners: You have them????
Friends: Eh I don't knwo many
Decisions: Great!

Would You...
Be my friend: duh
Tell me the truth no matter what: Yes!
Buy me a birthday gift: No your birthday gift would be me popping out of a cake nekkid then rubbing frosting all over my he nipples
Lie to make me feel better: Yes.. Hunny that one night on the roof of the hilton the sex was bad sorry.
Spread rumors about me: Nah
Go out at 4am to get me chocolate: yeah as long as I was going to eat it off of you.
Keep a secret if I told you one: yes..
Loan me some cash: No I ain't got any!
Hold my hand: yeah
Keep in touch: Yes!
Make me a snack: Oh yeah.. Snack on my ass bitch
Try and solve my problems: yes
Love me: I already do love!
Makeout with me: Yah
Hold me in times of need: yes
Ditch me:Nah
Use me: yes I will use you and abuse you in the bedroom
ask me out: Nah
Date me: i do! wait damn I'm gay
kiss with me whenever you had the chance: Yes!
Hold me and make my problems go away: Yeah!